I spent all day Saturday (which turned out to be *beautiful*, *sigh*), cleaning my house. It had to be done though, and while my office still has a pile of stuff I need to go through, at least it’s not dirty

I did manage to eat relatively well the last couple of days, though, and exercised both days, so that’s good!

Of course, my body struck back by making my face turn all red and blotchy – I totally believe that my body and my brain (well, at least my consciousness) are going to battle each other in order for me to lose weight, so it doesn’t surprise me.

I would rather have a red and splotchy face then be overweight, though, so SCREW YOU BODY!

Hell week isn’t so hellish, only one additional rehearsal on Thursday, another on Saturday, and then the Concert on Sunday. I took Monday off (I probably won’t be able to talk). I really need to look into getting a good voice teacher and relearning some basics.

Anyhoo. Back to work. It’s nice being caught up.

Well, I do.  Basically I’ve come to the end of my rope.   Not in the ‘oh my god let it all end’ sort of way, but in the ‘things must change’ sort of way.  I’m tired of things going the way they are…merely existing and treading water instead of living the life I want to be living.

That’s going to change.

I’m going to be that guy – you know, the one that has his shit together.  He’s exercises almost every day and is in shape, in control – he takes care of his business.  At the end of the work day, he did a good day of work and he’s not stressed about it because he did all he could.  He can go home and not feel guilty about his house being dirty because he takes care of his house and car and doesn’t let them get out of control.   He’s progressing in his career and he knows where he wants to go.  He can truly have *fun* because there is no baggage holding him back because he’s taken care of it.  And if he hasn’t, he’s working on it, and it’s under control.

The above is my destination.

The roadblocks, of course, are my old friends:  stress, lack of willpower, weaknesses for certain foods, the temptation and power of the TV and computer that seem to suck up all my spare time and leave me no time for what I should be doing – the lack of support of my family and friends “oh, you don’t need to eat that way, you just need to eat healthy” “who’s getting the donuts” “let’s buy lunch”

Why haven’t I gotten there before?  I don’t know.  I was closer about 5 years ago, I was about 25 pounds lighter than I am now.  I think somewhere along the way I convinced myself that I didn’t need to do these things, that I was a great person and it would all work out in the end.    I think that if I get myself under control, then I can truly *enjoy* life – and by under control, I don’t mean a slavish adherence to some painful weightlifting ritual and strict bedtimes and no fun…..I just mean being truly free to have *fun* and not worry so much about what I *haven’t* done, because I will be doing it.

While I think some parts of it are over the top, it does touch on a nerve that a lot of people (including me) have exposed:

If I’m taking care of my bills and mortgage, why should someone else get bailed out with taxpayer money?

Now I understand the whole macro-economic arguments for doing this.  However, it seems to me that we have this abject fear of allowing people/companies/businesses to ‘fail’ and go into bankruptcy.  There’s where I have issues – I think bankruptcy allows people and businesses to restructure and re-allocate.  If you go into bankruptcy, and you can’t afford your house anymore, then maybe you do need to move.

I guess I don’t believe just because you bought a house, and now you can’t afford it, that you have some sort of inalienable right to that house and the government should come in and bail you out.

And for those of you who do think that the government should come in and lower your rate and restructure your mortgage,  and none of this is *your* fault, everyone was doing it…

For genuine laughter.  Sometimes with all the stress of life, a genuine, non-sarcastic/snarky laugh is a surprise when it comes upon you.

Oh.  And Tina Fey is cracking my top 5.  GO TINA!

whoops! I think you dropped this

http://www.xkcd.com/513/

Now I just need to keep telling myself that so I don’t fall into that same old pattern.

See?  My doctor told me to become healthier and lower my blood pressure, and this must be the way to do it.

So, ummm…..any hawt volunteers of the opposite sex out there?  ;)

Seriously.  One of the issues with living in a place where it is *70* today, is that I’m having real problems getting into the whole Christmas spirit thing.  It’s just not the same without 5 layers of clothing, or not having to worry about what you look like because you’d rather just be *warm*.   I do miss that about the North.

So, I did it.  I am now a foster kitty parent-type person.  I’ll post some pictures as soon as I find the cord for my freaking phone.  I swear, there’s a reason I try to keep everything in the same place.  I can’t imagine how much $$$ and time I’ve lost over the years by misplacing/losing things.  I wonder if that’s just me or if it’s some form of ADD?  I literally can’t remember where I put something 5 minutes after I put it down, sometimes.

But back to the kitties!  CUUUUUUUTENESS!  Magnus and Miriya (I was going to name him Max, to complete the Robotech cliche, but I stopped myself in time).  They are too cute!  Hopefully they’ll get over the ‘must use claws on everything’ phase soon – I don’t need the scars.    As far as women worrying about me having cats….well – If I get to the point where that becomes an issue, it probably won’t be.  I just won’t be dropping the fact that I’m a ‘foster parent’ on the first date or anything.  (side note:  the most hilarious thing was telling my Mom I was a foster parent without telling her about the cats and the deafening silence on the other side of the phone as she went into shock – BWHAHAHAHA)

Not that I’m dating anyone specific right now.  I have 2 people I’ve gone on dates with but nothing ‘sparky’.  There’s one girl I like, but I’m 90% certain she doesn’t like me for some reason, but I’ll probably try in the new year to see what happens, and if nothing else, to say that ‘I tried’ After all, I have been known to be wrong when it comes to women.  ;)

Well, I’ll write more later.   probably.  I’m starting my resolutions early this year, and keeping up with my virtual/e-mail/online life is on the list.

….

You don’t believe me?  Then fine.

Speed dating went ok and the girl wrote me back though I am worried she didn’t respond to my jokes, so the jury is still out on her sense of humor.

Trying to figure out how to tell someone how to get their act together when it comes to their life, because all they seem to do is eat/sleep/work/TV/go to bars.

Trying to remember that my job is to help people, and not solve cases, though the way I am measured is by how many/how fast/how well I solve cases.

Thinking about how much energy this online stuff takes and how to get more efficient at it, and yet make it more meaningful at the same time, instead of mundane/short stuff.

Trying to think what to get Mom for Christmas.  *sigh*.  toughest person to shop for.

Pondering how I need to be the organizer and get everyone to do group activities.  When did I start turning into my Mom?  LOL  (yeah, strange thing for a guy to say).

Wondering if I’m ever going to be organized and caught up enough to be able to sleep full 7-8 hours every night, rather than trying to get stuff done.

Discovered that singing after a night of drinking doesn’t work as well as you think it would.  My throat was all cotton-bally!  Nooo vocal control, even though I had some better low notes.

Apple stores are the bomb!  I think I want to work there.  Or at least adopt a hottie apple chick. yumm!

We need teleportation.  I love doing things, but hate driving (must-control-death-mobile).  I think NC drivers are, ummm, special, I believe is the politically correct word.  Get the fuck out of my way!  Or at least give me my own lane.

I have cool friends and family, and this online ‘stuff’ is letting me keep in contact with them.

I love all the attention that I got today by wearing a Duke shirt.  SUCK IT UNC!!!!  

Need advice:  A friend of mine wants me to help with a pet shelter thing by volunteering and potentially fostering some kitties.  so…..would you be freaked out by a guy that fostered kitties if you were interested in dating him?

Speed dating tonight!  This ought to be amusing.  Again, don’t use the line ‘I was going to stab you if you said your favorite movie was ‘Pretty Woman’.  I think they tune out after the word ‘stab’.  STAB STAB STABBY MCSTABERTON.

Macs Rock!  Need cool software for it though (he says, as handbrake chugs through a dvd in the background)

My Dad has to be the worse communicator in the world.  And with him, I appear to come in 2nd place.  Gets irritating that I need to be the adult in the contact dept. with that man.  HEY!  REMEMBER ME?  YOUR FIRSTBORN?  USE THE E-MAIL, LUUUUKE.  YOU ARE MY FAAAAAAAAAATHER.  

Never guess a woman’s age.  You can’t win.  Can’t can’t can’t!

Oh, and for those of you checking me out for the first time:  Poppy rocks.

‘is starting to thing gender stereotypes do not apply in the technical field’

Nice.  She basically said something to that effect when we were having the drama – that I was being too….womanish.  or something that implied that I was being the ‘woman’ in the relationship because I was bringing up things that I didn’t like rather than being stoic and not saying anything.

Yeah.  whatever.  At least I know how to be a friend to someone.  The drama is because you *say* one thing, do another, and then wonder why someone gets upset when you’re not doing what you say.

Honestly, in a meta sort of way, it comes to this.  You need to know the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.  I think too many people associate with each other and thing that they’re friends, when really, deep down, they’re not.  They’re just friendly acquaintances.

I talked to another friend about this – and then 5 minutes later he was there when she basically came over and tried to be all friendly and commenting on my facebook profile and making fun of my picture with glasses on fbook.

*that’s* what makes it hard.  She does, in a strange way, *act* like a friend.  It’s like she wants a friendship where she can joke, and make fun, and have fun at work, but without any of the obligations that true friendship entails.  Not that they’re really obligations – sharing each others lives is should be easy and natural *if you want to do it*

Hmmm, my first shoutout to an old post in another blog:

http://hisstory1.blogspot.com/2007/06/friends-vs-acquaintances.html

Which I think says what I want to say.  That and, I don’t need more acquaintances, thanks.  You’re either in the circle of trust, or out.  (thanks Meet the Fockers!).  No fringe blurry types circles, thanks.

kthxbye