I’m back February 19, 2010
Posted by notatumor in alphamalechallenge.trackback
Why am I back? Who knows.
Well, I do. Basically I’ve come to the end of my rope. Not in the ‘oh my god let it all end’ sort of way, but in the ‘things must change’ sort of way. I’m tired of things going the way they are…merely existing and treading water instead of living the life I want to be living.
That’s going to change.
I’m going to be that guy – you know, the one that has his shit together. He’s exercises almost every day and is in shape, in control – he takes care of his business. At the end of the work day, he did a good day of work and he’s not stressed about it because he did all he could. He can go home and not feel guilty about his house being dirty because he takes care of his house and car and doesn’t let them get out of control. He’s progressing in his career and he knows where he wants to go. He can truly have *fun* because there is no baggage holding him back because he’s taken care of it. And if he hasn’t, he’s working on it, and it’s under control.
The above is my destination.
The roadblocks, of course, are my old friends: stress, lack of willpower, weaknesses for certain foods, the temptation and power of the TV and computer that seem to suck up all my spare time and leave me no time for what I should be doing – the lack of support of my family and friends “oh, you don’t need to eat that way, you just need to eat healthy” “who’s getting the donuts” “let’s buy lunch”
Why haven’t I gotten there before? I don’t know. I was closer about 5 years ago, I was about 25 pounds lighter than I am now. I think somewhere along the way I convinced myself that I didn’t need to do these things, that I was a great person and it would all work out in the end. I think that if I get myself under control, then I can truly *enjoy* life – and by under control, I don’t mean a slavish adherence to some painful weightlifting ritual and strict bedtimes and no fun…..I just mean being truly free to have *fun* and not worry so much about what I *haven’t* done, because I will be doing it.
It is way easier to fail in life than it is to succeed.
Take it one task at a time and only do the stuff at first that you absolutely need to do, then fold in the other stuff. If you try to change it all at once you’ll be overwhelmed and it won’t take.
And I gained 18-20 lbs since November, 2008 so I feel your pain on that one. It’s hard to eat right and make time to exercise (see! easy to fail!).
Best of luck. You can do it! You are very strong willed. And maybe if you can possibly afford it you could get a trainer to help you stay on track with the diet and exercise, since friends and family are unable to help you with that part.
Poppy –
Thanks for the support! I read your tweets all the time.
But yeah, I think a lot of me losing weight is going to be ignoring other people and being ‘that guy’ that ends up ordering salad, or smaller portions, or drinks the water instead of beer….but I think I can still enjoy life despite of that. I just need to be pickier, in some ways (drink *1* really good beer instead of 6 crappy ones)…we’ll see how it goes